I cannot believe how long it has been since I posted anything on this blog. Most of you have kept up with me through facebook; so I'm not a total stranger (LOL).
2010..a year of new beginnings. The past six months has been a rollercoaster for me. Looking back at my last post, I think about how much I have overcome and how many great memories I have made with family and friends.
This new year brings a new job; more time with my family and church family; and an unending love for God. However, the past few months have really tested my spirit.
With the death of my father, I found myself dealing with feelings and emotions I thought didn't exist. I still questioned how a parent could ever leave their children and seemingly never reach out to form that relationship. I also learned the true meaning of forgivenenss and unconditional love. I told my father before he passed all the things I wished had been between us..I wish he had been there for my wedding, the birth of my children, graduations, etc. But also realized, as I was sitting next to his bed, that I am who I am because he didn't come to those things in my life.
His nurse knew of our "rocky" relationship and told me what a great person I was because I was still right beside him up until his death. I felt guilty that I hadn't reached out more when he was alive. But God had a plan. Still not sure I completely understand it; but the man I was once ashamed to call my father..was my daddy and in the end, I was proud that he was my daddy.
It's weird, but I feel like his death brought me and my mom closer together. We have always had a really close relationship; but I never wanted to talk about my dad with her because I didn't want to upset her. When we found out about his cancer, she was completely willing to talk about the past and answer any questions I had. She was also right there beside me at the funeral service; even though this must have been totally uncomfortable for her. She has never let me down and has taught me how to be an amazing mother.
My church family has also taught me so much in the past few weeks (especially about the power of prayer). When pulling into the funeral home for my dad's service, a big van with Walton's Chapel on the side was sitting there with a bunch of youth. I was never more touched and proud in all my life. Just as my professional career was requiring more of me and taking time from these people, God reinforced my purpose in this world.
A couple more people I can't leave out that have really been there for me through this difficult time...my husband is amazing. No matter what, he always knows just what to say, or not to say. Sometimes he just sits there and holds me. And sometimes, he makes me dust off the dirt and get back up. And because I married him, I got the most amazing mother-in-law. She always knows just what to say and when to say it. Whether it's a phone call, email, or facebook. My relationship with her makes me a better woman everyday.
And one more...when I was 14 I met my brother for the first time. We stayed on the phone from like 8 one night to 3 the next morning. The past couple of months have brought us even closer together than we were. He gives me things to think about and always puts my situation in perspective. He is my best friend and I love him with all my heart.
I lied..just one more..my wonderful, amazing, pregnant with twins sister. Although we have different beliefs on just about everything; she is also my best friend. I treat her more like a daughter; than a sister. I worry about her as I do Kaelyn and Caleb; she says it drives her crazy (but secretly, she loves it). She dealt with my dad's death differently; but she is always there for me.
I start my new job on January 11th. I am excited, nervous, and motivated. This job will allow me more time with my family and more time to serve the Lord. In the end, all of my worldly possessions will count for nothing. It will be my acts and service that the Lord will judge. I love you Jesus..I love you Walton's...and love to all my family.
8 years ago