Just the other day, I told someone that people usually know how I am feeling because I am not shy about my emotions. My friends and family know exactly how much I love them because I tell them consistently (yes, alot of me and my girlfriends say "I love you" when getting off the phone or leaving each other). But there has been something I haven't been telling anyone lately. I thought maybe if I just get it out there, I will feel better. So, here goes.
These past couple of months have been really difficult for me. After I sprained my ankle on Mother's Day, I have just been in a "funk." (Can't think of another way to describe it.) I was so motivated and inspired to work out and eat right before then; I felt great. Then, I couldn't work out. And, for some reason, when I don't work out, I don't eat right. It's even harder when you have a husband that runs 13 miles for fun and loses 5 lbs. in a day (not blaming you Chris, I'm so proud of you). I'm miserable. And what's worse..I'm insecure. For whatever reason, I'm so scared that Chris' new found "body and lifestyle" is going to leave me behind.
I'm sure he'll read this and tell me I'm crazy and how much he loves me. But, us women know, that won't help. It's not about how he feels about me; it's about I feel about myself.
To add insult to injury, I finally broke down and went to the doctor and had an MRI. They called and told me Saturday morning that I have to stay off my ankle and when I am on it, I have to use crutches. So, I have obviously hurt it worse than I thought.
Not looking for sympathy, just prayers and encouragement. I know God will take care of this..as he does everything else. For the moment, though, I just needed to tell someone. So, thanks for reading and listening.
4 comments:
Well, I've just now read it and am certainly listening! And definitely understand. You helped me through a "funk" time and I'll help you all I can. Since I'm old, maybe a bad ankle will put us on more equal ground for a while. We'll have to figure out a way to get fit without killing ourselves. :<)
Oh, and I happen to know that my son worships the ground you walk on. I've had to get accustomed to not being the first lady in my son's lives. And although I have my moments, most of the time I'm perfectly happy with my new place in their lives. Your are right, it's not really about what he thinks about you, it's about what you think about you. Chin up! Time and God heals all wounds.
Thanks for the encouragement..very much appreciated!
Regina,
Sorry I haven't been following blogs like I should, but I have just read yours and I hope you're feeling better by now.
I went throught the same self doubt when I was going through my treatments. I had no energy, no personality and there was no romance for me and my husband for a long time. He was wonderful and encouraging, but I had heard stories of how husbands left their sick wives for young, healthy wives (yes, people had the nerve to tell me those stories).
I had to keep telling myself that the bad time would not last forever, and it didn't.
You have to like yourself and you have every reason to love yourself because your husband and everyone else does too!
I love you and can totally relate :)
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